what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
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I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
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Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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