We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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