I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
