looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
