Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
