i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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