You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
