What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
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