I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
