I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
