she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
