: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
So much rum. So many feels.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
