why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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