only if we run a train.
done.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
