i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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