He passed out mid-signature
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize