dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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