He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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