You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
