She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
