I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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