I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
