Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
