I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
