I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
