well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
