If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
