she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
