apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I did not marry a roomba.
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