yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
