Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
