I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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