Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
