living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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