You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
how drunk are you?
Several
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
