So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
