Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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