It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
