yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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