he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
