how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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