I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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