look no pants
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Randomize
