Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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