we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
