I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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