remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
