i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
