how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
