tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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