my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
