just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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