Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
