Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
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