The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
