My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i dont even know how to be here
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
