I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
