my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
