My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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