a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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