whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I haven't been this sober since birth.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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