i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
