i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
