I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
