opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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