i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
