i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize