She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
