Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
