Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
