I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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