thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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