I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
