I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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