I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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