i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
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