I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize