We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
