i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
