How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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